As I was driving home tonight, a recipe of reminders came together and filled my eyes with tears, but they weren’t bad tears. Following my favorite song from 2002 playing on the radio (Like a Stone from Audioslave), I then saw a Caprice’s headlights behind me (the company car my dad had when we first moved here)… Suddenly I recalled that last night my dream had my dad in it. I don’t remember any specifics, I only caught a slight reminder we coexisted again, even if only in my mind, and it was like the good days of my early 20’s, just hanging out and chatting.
This was nice, because I’ve been sad about the several deaths affecting people I know in the past couple of weeks, so it doesn’t come as a surprise.
And although tears weren’t bad tears, I can’t call them happy tears. They’re just… emotion tears. Tears that must be expressed, because while the loss never goes away, neither do the memories. And as the clouds lift, the happy memories are what shine strongest. This time 9 years ago my dad was not himself, and I watched him get sicker, and sicker as the months went on… so for a long time afterwards my dreams were filled with that version of him. But over time, he became healthier and healthier: the Dad I knew most of my life.
Anyway, I just felt like sharing the moment. It did make me happy.